Narcissists Instilled In Me A Love / Hate Relationship with “SHOULD”
All my life I have been ruled by what I SHOULD do, say and be. I am certain that it was caused by narcissists.
Narcissists need, desperately, for you to play a specific role in the fantasy world they construct to present and maintain the fake self they create. This need causes them to tell you what you should do, say and be. But telling you is not enough, even though the telling is constant. They understand that they must teach you to tell yourself what you should do, say and be. Of course what you tell yourself is the narcissist’s idea of what you should and has nothing to do with what you actually are, want or need.
My relationship with should began way before I had any idea of what the word meant. That’s because I had a narcissistic mother who was determined to mold me into a combination of the following:
1. Mini her
2. Servant to her
3. Scapegoat for her
4. Mood regulator for her
5. Thing for her to brag about
6. Person that would always be less than her
In order to insure that I functioned properly in the roles she had assigned to me she had to tell me what I should do, say and be and make sure that I would tell me self…
